Next season, the young Kardashians head to Africa to feed the poor.
Teenagers Kendall and Kylie – tottering in their Louboutins through a refugee camp in Somalia – say they’ve never been happier.
“We’re going to donate all of our handbags to this worthy cause,” Kendall says.
“You should see the sacks these people carry around. They’re not even leather. It’s a crime against humanity!”
Now, THAT’S a reality series I’d pay to see.
Of course, it’s not going to happen.
Instead our eyes are soiled by the sight of these spoiled girls bragging about their booty on Christmas Day.
On this most holy day we’re treated to scenes of the cardinal sins: greed, lust, avarice, sloth, envy, pride, and gluttony.
15-year-old Kylie Jenner posts Instagram snaps of two Celine bags under the tree, worth more than $3000 apiece.
Her 17-year-old sister Kendall – who last year received a $90,000 Range Rover for her birthday – opens a box containing a $1200 pair of spiked patent leather shoes.
These shots are accompanied by pouting poses, wearing matching Alexander McQueen dresses. Many are inappropriately sexual.
These aren’t happy snaps of carefree teenagers; they’re poses aimed at an invisible paparazzi.
Now, I don’t begrudge them for frocking up. It’s a special day.
Nor do I hate the rich. If they’ve saved up for those expensive gifts, good on them.
But I cringe at the messages this sends to young women.
It’s all about money, beauty and fame.
The way ‘momager’ (mom and manager) Kris Jenner is raising these girls is akin to child abuse.
She and her second husband, Bruce, allowed Kendall and Kylie to leave school last year to pursue their modelling careers.
Who needs an education to fall back on, anyway?
Kylie already has a burgeoning career as a nail polish designer, with the range “Wear Something Spar-kylie” and “Rainbow in the S-kylie”.
And Kendall is a Style Ambassador for Seventeen magazine.
Meanwhile, they’re penning their first novel (with the help of a co-writer) for a young-adult audience.
No doubt, they’ll follow in the footsteps of their half-sisters and mum, who lay their lives bare for all to see.
In her book, Kris Jenner… and All Things Kardashian, the momager writes about her long-standing affair with a younger man while married to her now-deceased husband, Robert.
She then plays on her daughter Khloe’s insecurities, encouraging her to have a DNA test.
On their reality TV show.
I’m sorry – what sort of mother does that?
Khloe’s response? “I don’t want to get sucked into the Kris Jenner crazy train.”
But there are plenty of people who do.
Keeping Up With the Kardashians ended its seventh season on a ratings high.
Kim Kardashian’s divorce – after giving NBA player Kris Humphries the best 72 days of her life – set a new ratings record for the spin-off, Kourtney & Kim Take New York.
And it won’t be ending any time soon.
Our fascination with excess peaks at times of economic hardship.
The Great Depression gave rise to screwball comedies.
This new generation of Kardashians is coming along at the right time: teetering on the edge of America’s fiscal cliff.
Soon, these bright young things will enter the very adult word of cosmetic surgery, sex tapes, and staged marriages.
On Kim’s Fairytale Wedding Part 1, Kris explains why she had two breast enhancements before the big day: “I needed a little freshening up for the wedding. Just doing what a girl’s gotta do!”
She also repeatedly tells daughter Khloe she’s fat.
Quick – dust off that Mother of the Year Award. I think I’ve found the winner.
What hope is there for the younger girls?
It’s unlikely we will ever see the better angels of their nature.
The German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer once wrote, “Wealth is like sea-water; the more we drink, the thirstier we become; and the same is true of fame”.
Such a thirst will never be quenched; yet the Kardashian clan keeps drinking from the poisoned cup.
Perhaps a series in Africa wouldn’t be such a bad idea.
Instead of designing their new fashion line for spoiled western teenagers, Kendall and Kylie could bring clothes to those who don’t have any at all.
The sturdy handbags could be used to lug grain from the fields.
And it would put a smile on the kids’ faces to play with Kylie’s sparkly nail polish.
It’d be the best lesson they’ve ever learned.