I’ve had enough dick to last a lifetime.
And I’m not talking about my sex life.
It’s the testosterone-throbbing, fart-fuelled, penis-pumped American sitcom.
Two and a Half Men is clearly created by a man with half a brain.
Yesterday, he criticised the current crop of female-centric comedies like New Girl, Whitney and 2 Broke Girls.
“Enough, ladies, I get it. You have periods,” Lee Aronsohn said.
“We’re approaching peak vagina on television, the point of labia saturation.”
His Mum must be so proud.
If it weren’t for those unspeakable periods, Lee wouldn’t be here today to raise the collective IQ of the viewing public.
I, for one, am all the wiser for learning that parts of the female reproductive system are offensive while those of the male are not.
The first episode starring Ashton Kutcher focused on dick size and masturbation.
In the earlier series, female characters were either Madonnas or whores – ready to be f*#ked and chucked by the deeply dysfunctional Charlie Sheen.
To quote from Blackadder, “Thank God I wore my corset, because I think my sides have split”.
Now, I am the mother of a seven-year-old boy.
Farts are funny. So are bums. Dicks can be, too.
But why can’t we crack up about our own cracks?
Periods are messy and inconvenient – much like dicks.
My five-year-old girl thinks it’s funny to lift up the skirts on store dummies and scream, “Look Mummy! This dummy’s got a VAGINA!!!”
Friends star Lisa Kudrow remembers, as recently as the 1990s, they could say “penis” a certain number of times, but not vagina.
Tina Fey and her cohorts on Saturday Night Live are credited with exploring the vagina for its full comedic capacity.
In an early episode of 30 Rock, Jenna utters the memorable line “My vagina is a convenience store: clean and reliable. And closed on Christmas”.
Whitney Cummings continues in this vein with her self-titled sitcom.
“Vagina jokes paid for my house,” she says simply.
So apparently it’s OK for Lee Aronsohn to make a fortune out of dick jokes.
But as soon as a woman does the same thing, he calls “enough!”
When asked about Two and a Half Men’s patronising portrayal of women, Aronsohn again uses sexual references: “Screw it. We’re centering the show on two very damaged men. What makes men damaged? Sorry, it’s women.”
This is the basis of much of the dark humour in the women’s shows – sexual humiliation.
But when we want to talk about it, it’s all “too much”.
Judd Apatow, who’s producing Lena Dunham’s upcoming HBO comedy Girls, is astonished it’s taken so long for the vagina to be exposed.
“The first Sex and the City movie opened up to an enormous amount of money. There’s a gigantic crowd of people saying, ‘Why aren’t you making movies and TV shows for us?’ It’s ridiculous that we’re even at the point where we have to have this conversation,” he says.
The series was the first to air the word c*#t on American television.
It didn’t breach broadcasting guidelines because it was used to describe female genitalia, not as a swear word.
Language expert Professor Lisa Jardine is calling for equality in the description of genitalia.
“For years it has been fine to call the male genitalia by names, but not female ones. It should change,” she contends.
And dicks like Lee Aronsohn should just f*#k off.